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My goals for tomorrow are as follows: concentrate! Don’t think about that; think about this! Move some of those damn “pending” items into the complete file. Organize, process, prepare! Get my brain back on track. I have to call my doctor. Wednesday I got a call from the hematologist (hardly ever a good sign, right?). Tests finally show what I thought they should be showing for years. Thyroid issues. I need to be further poked, prodded, scanned, flipped, dipped, and baked, not fried, to confirm. Possibly Hashimoto’s. Great, another auto-immune disease to deal with. But it really explains things. Or at least that’s my wishful thinking. No one seems overtly concerned. I suppose it’s no big deal.

After nearly 48 hours I’m still okay with my previous blog post. Whatever-the-fuck happens is just going to happen. I really need to learn to let go. I am so compulsive about things and people and life. I’m working on it. I’m working on being “looser.” I totally went with the flow this weekend with Patrick. We planned on going one place but ended up in a completely different location. We hiked in the rain! I didn’t plan that on any excel file and I loved it. So really, that all goes to say that my goal for tomorrow is to be slightly less neurotic and paranoid than I was today and the day before and the day before.

I can do it. Totally.

Holly’s dumbshit moment(s) of the day:

After work I drive to the East side to cat-sit my friend’s cats (who are sweet and adorable and lovely and do not bite me at all). I pull into a space, close my windows and sunroof, and turn off the engine. I go to remove my key from the ignition, and it won’t frigging come out! Now, when I first test drove this car, it took a second for me to realize that I had to push the key in to turn the ignition all the way off. But I got it. I’m used to it. I’m pushing and pushing and turning and nothing happens. I tried cranking it back up and NOTHING. I think to myself “oh shit. I broke my car.” Then… I realized I hadn’t put my car in park. Apparently safety says you can’t remove your key when your car is still in drive.

Dumbshit.

Then (and this is mostly just and FYI for said friend), your door is hard as shit to unlock.

That is all.

Have you ever down a completely empty street and wondered to yourself “What the hell is going on? Has the rapture happened and I’m ‘left behind’?” I mean, in general I don’t believe in that stuff.  Don’t get me wrong, mom, if you’re reading.  I believe in God and I believe in an afterlife, but I don’t believe we’re going to be stricken down in a burning ball of heavenly glory.  Even still, on those odd mornings like today, or sometimes late at night, when I’m all alone on the road, I seriously wonder if something major could’ve happened and I’m just too disconnected to know about it.  Does that ever happen to you?

Another oddity that I sincerely doubt many other people share with me; Occasionally, when I hear a song by a particular artist on the radio then turn the dial (how old fashion sounding) and hear another song by the same artist, I immediately wonder if said artist has been in some sort of tragic accident and if radio stations are playing their songs in memorial.  Is that weird?

If these types of thoughts weigh on your like they do me, you seriously need something else to occupy your time.

When I was a teenager I really thought I wanted to be a race car driver.  Bizarre, right?  That fantasy came primarily from my desire to be like my cousin, Joe.  He drove fast and let me drive his truck, which was a stick.  He went on to actually race cars for a brief period.  (When one of his cars was junked, he blew it up with a firecracker in the gas tank!) He and his sister Jenni always had the coolest crap.  Go-karts, dirt bikes, whatever.  Once, Joe and my uncle Doug decided it would be cool to let me, about 13 at the time, drive a dirt bike by myself, with no direction or instruction.  Perhaps that seems simple to you, as it did to me then… it wasn’t.  I sped down the country road a few times, thinking I was so cool.  Then, on the way back into the drive way, which was dirt and gravel, I turned in at about 30 miles per hour.  That was stupid. The gravel broke loose and the bike slid right out from under me in.  In slow motion I flew over the handle bars, no helmet on, and skidded a few feet.  I was fine, though, just having the wind knocked out of me.  My uncle rushed out of the house, so thoughtful, and examined his bike straight away.  After he realized that the mirror was just slightly damaged, he made sure I was okay.

I didn’t want to race anything after that. I now drive a Kia.

• sometimes a jerk is just a jerk
• wasting time on jerks makes you a jerk
• The Office is an amazing show
• that is all

Google, you never cease to baffle me. I know I’ve posted before about the random ads that litter my gmail page, but today, I had one for a website called “stand up girl” .com… Sounds like it should belong to some comedienne, right?  Wrong.  The link takes you to a page of fetal images. :/ What tha what?!

Nice, google.  Nice!

I wish I had the talent and patience to do something like this.

This is one of the most interesting photo sets I’ve seen. I suppose sand isn’t as boring, itchy, and annoying as I normally think.  In fact, it’s quite beautiful at 130x magnification.